(Perception) Did They Really Mean That?
Sometimes people say things that hurt us… At times a person may say hurtful things on purpose, but a lot of times we perceive words to be hurtful when that was not their original intent. Albert Mehrabian estimated that 93% of our communication is non-verbal. That means only 7% of what we communicate comes from WHAT we say. Whether you agree with him or not, you must admit there is some merit to his idea. Our PERCEPTION of someone’s words greatly influences our INTERPRETATION of their words. In this post, I want to suggest three times you should be extra careful about your perception of another person’s comments.
Perception When Reading:
Written communication has the potential to be incredibly dangerous, especially when dealing with touchy subjects. So much so that I even suggest talking in person when possible to lessen the possibility of being misunderstood. This is one of my biggest frustrations with the internet, and it’s something that I have unfortunately learned the hard way more than once. Unfortunately people say all sorts of things online that they would never say to a person’s face. We see that daily as trolls attack people’s political or religious views online. A lot of this is intentional to an extent, but what is more dangerous is well intended written communication that is perceived wrongly.
Wrongly perceived text is where I have failed more times than I’d like to admit. I mean think about it… an emoji can make the same statement happy, sad, angry, sarcastic, etc… but what if you don’t use one? Then it is up to the interpreter to determine what the author’s emotion is behind their text. If you ever feel burned by a text message or other written communication, it is wise to follow James’ advice and “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). ASK for clarity before jumping to conclusions. It may save you from a messy situation.
Perception When Fatigued
Another thing to watch out for is fatigue. Sometimes when I’m tired, my perception of things gets way off! Or even if I feel bad or “hangry,” I sometimes become extra irritated. One of the worst times for me to talk to people is when I feel this way. Most mornings, I’m a curmudgeon! I don’t like people in the mornings. I don’t want to talk to anyone until I have eaten breakfast, cleaned up, and gotten fully awake. Sometimes when people talk to me in the mornings (or when I’m super tired in the evenings), I get annoyed about things that normally wouldn’t annoy me. I read their words or actions through my fatigue and wrongly blame them for their unintentional annoyance.
So if you are ever tired, feel bad, or “hangry” and someone irritates you… PAUSE, be honest about your fatigue, and ask if you can continue the conversation once you are better able to focus.
Perception When Bitter
The last thing I want to talk about is perception when you are bitter. I think this one is possibly the most dangerous. This is when we are already mad, and we end up taking it out on someone else. I have been guilty of this and have even done so recently. Maybe it was a tough day at work or you don’t feel appreciated for something you did. Or maybe you are just burnt out, anxious, or depressed. Any of these things can put a short fuse on our tempers and be great ammo for our Tempter.
When you feel frustrated, be careful about assuming the whole world is out to get you. Just because one person made you mad, does not mean everyone else is seeking to do the same. If you find yourself getting angry with another person when you are already bitter about something, PRAY for God to help you see the situation clearly. Just like when you are fatigued, it’s ok to suggest delaying the conversation until you are better able to focus. Everyone knows what it’s like to have a bad day, so most people understand if you need to pick up the conversation at another time.
Final Thoughts
A lot of times Satan uses these three things to cause bitterness, anger, hate, division, and all sorts of discord between people. Keep in mind that he is your enemy, not your friend who may have unintentionally hurt you with their words. Be careful to check and make sure your perception is rationally interpreting whatever situation your are in. Follow Paul’s advice to “Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ” (Ephesians 4:31-32). Make sure that any time you feel hurt to: PAUSE, ASK for clarity, and PRAY. You don’t want to go in with blind rage and find yourself feeling like a fool later.
