How Do You Love Someone You Disagree With?
There is a lot of hate out there… those of us who follow the news or interact with the social media world see it daily. Unfortunately, that hate is spilling over into our own personal engagements. Sometimes we realize this in time, and other times we say things that we regret or get hurt ourselves. If I am against abortion and I have a friend that is pro-choice, how do I have a civil conversation with them about that? Or if I am a Christian and believe homosexual activity is a sin, how do I love my friend that identifies as a homosexual? If I am a Democrat, how do I interact with Republicans or vice versa? What about my religious beliefs? Views on immigration? Gun laws? Economy? Healthcare? How do you love someone you disagree with and have peaceful conversations about these heavily debated topics?
In general we are failing at this as a society; either we just don’t talk about our differences, or we end up demonizing those we disagree with. Today’s post has FOUR simple things for you to keep in mind as you interact with and seek to love someone you disagree with. I hope it encourages HUMBLE Dialog in a culture with a lot of HATEFUL Dialog.
Remember Commonalities
The person you disagree with is a HUMAN being just like you are. He or she has insecurities, anxieties, and a desire to be right. We all want to be right, don’t we? Who wants to be wrong? Your friend also more than likely has people that they love and are loved by. He has hobbies, family, and probably a job. She has needs, desires, hopes, and dreams.
It can be easy to forget these things when we think someone is wrong. It can be easy to dehumanize people. This is especially the case when we interact ONLINE. When we actually have to look someone in the eye, we are a lot more careful about what we say, but when we are online it is easy to feel free to say whatever we want. Whether it is in person or not, remembering the other person’s humanity will go a long way to having peaceful conversations.
Ask Questions
James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.” Do not go in with guns blazing! ASK questions first, LISTEN wisely, and then share your opinion. Jesus was constantly asking people questions. He LED them to truth; he didn’t SHOVE it down their throats. In our society, we could definitely take notes on the way he lovingly interacted with people.
Speak Gracefully: Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Jesus asked questions, listened to responses, and then did not hesitate to share his opinion. There is a tension with some of us… Sometimes we think the best way to love someone we disagree with is not to say anything at all. The problem is most often not in WHAT you say, but in HOW you say it. If I have a booger hanging out of my nose, you are not loving me if you do not tell me! It is loving to whisper in my ear and tell me; it is not loving to point it out to everyone in the room… Sometimes we need to speak wisdom into someone’s life. Maybe their facts are incorrect… Maybe their view has unrealized consequences… They may never know it if you don’t tell them. But if you skip to this step and do not ask questions and listen first, your words will likely fall on deaf ears.
Accept Differences
Just because you remember commonalities, ask questions, and speak gracefully doesn’t mean you will WIN them over… and that’s okay. Sometimes you just disagree, and that’s okay. LOVE them anyways, even if they do not show that same kind of love in return. Accept that you did the right thing by taking the right approach and let it go. Hopefully the experience teaches you something and you can continue to have HUMBLE Dialog with this person in the future.
For more on dealing with CONFLICT, see my previous post: Is Conflict Always Bad?
